


you can't wake up, this is not a dream

by spectre07



Series: how the mighty fall [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate version of twilight of the apprentice, Gen, Implied abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kanan's not blind, Maul is a dick, Maul is super creepy towards Ezra, No Fun For Anyone, Not Canon Compliant, Physical Abuse, Sith AU, Sith Ezra, Sort of a fix-it, don't be surprised if people lose limbs, gay ezra, mostly a fuck-things-up-differently, so interpret that however you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-10-18 14:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10618953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spectre07/pseuds/spectre07
Summary: Mustafar looms in the distance.The Force feels so cold, colder than Ezra's ever felt. He pulls his cloak closer to him, though he can't shake the feelings of anger, of sadness, of betrayal-*you were the chosen one!* he faintly hears.Maul begins the landing sequence, bringing Ezra out of his thoughts. "Can you feel it, Ezra?" he whispers. "The anger...the hate...the suffering."Ezra only nods. His very soul feels cold, and it only get worse the closer they get to the planet.Sith AU.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been eating away at me since season 1, and I just had to write it. This is not beta read, as well as my first published work. Feel free to point out any error. Written before the season 3 finale, so there will be minor errors here and there. Please comment and tell me what you think!

Something's wrong.

Ezra's standing with Maul, his back to Kanan. His Force signature is clouded.

"Ezra? What's going on?"

Silence. Kanan grows uneasy.

"Ezra, give me the holocron. We're getting out of here." Kanan's tone becomes urgent.

"I can't do that." Ezra's voice sounds strange. Older, somehow. More sinister. He turns around, and Kanan can see the anger, the hatred, in his eyes.

"Ezra..." Kanan, takes a step forward, his hand outstretched.

"Goodbye, Kanan."

Maul smiles.

Kanan feels as if he's been punched. He opens his mouth, tries to call out to his-former-apprentice, but he is cut off by the sound of a ship's engines.

Vader.

The man steps toward Kanan, lightsaber ignited, ready to deal a death blow. Kanan can't move, can't reach for his lightsaber-but Ahsoka is in front of him, blades ignited.

"Get to the ship!" she shouts. "I can handle him."

Kanan comes back to himself, running before his mind can catch up. He throws himself onto the Phantom, faintly hearing Chopper's worried beeping.

"Get us out of here." he chokes out, and that's all he can say before the tears come. He lays on the floor of the Phantom, sobbing, until he feels one of Chopper's arms on his shoulder. He takes a moment to compose himself, drying his tears and putting on a brave face before exiting the ship. His holds his head up high, ignoring the stares as he walks through the base.

_weren't there more people with him?_

He searches for Hera, finding the Ghost landed, thankfully, near the edge of the base; he ignores Sabine's questions, shrugs Zeb's hand off his shoulder.

"Hera." he gasps, letting his composure fall. He falls into her arms, fresh tears, making their way down his cheeks. He is faintly aware of Hera's questions, but he can't answer them now.

"I lost him." he sobs.

"I lost him."


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for implied abuse.  
> This takes place 3 years after the events of the prologue. A New Hope has already happened at this point. Nobody's doing okay.  
> Except Maul.  
> Fuck Maul.
> 
> EDIT: I forgot to look at my timeline before publishing, and ANH has not happened at this point. In fact, we're little under a year before it.

Ezra wakes suddenly, distantly hearing someone shouting his name. He ignores the voice, ignores the feelings that still come through his bind with his former master. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes. splashing some water on his face before dressing. Maul's expecting him; they're going off-planet for today's lesson.

* * *

"Ah, my dear apprentice. Come now, we haven't got much time to waste." Maul smiles as he escorts Ezra onto their ship, one hand on the small of his back; his hand slides to Ezra's waist after a moment. "I can feel conflict in you, Ezra." he says as he begins the ship's startup sequence.

"I had a weird dream. Something about my old master." Ezra feels almost guilty, running a hand though his hair; it's gotten so long. He would cut it, but Maul seems to like it.

"You must put him out of your. You will never advance in your training if you dwell on the past." Maul's tone is taunting. Ezra only nods.

The pair remain silent until the ship enters hyperspace. "Hey, uh...where are we going, Master?" Ezra asks.

"A Sith planet, long forgotten by many." Maul rests his hand on Ezra's knee. "You must learn the history of the Sith."

"Kanan told me about the Sith." Ezra mutters, regretting the words as soon as they are out of his mouth.

"Never speak that name!" Maul's shouts, turning to face Ezra. "Erase those lies from your mind. You will learn the truth." Maul ignores the way Ezra flinches, laying his hands on Ezra's shoulders. "My apologies, Ezra...but we have talked about this. You are never to speak the name of your former master." Maul sighs. "I only wish to educate you, my young apprentice."

"I...I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that." Ezra avoids Maul's eyes as he speaks. "I've been thinking about...him lately. I know I shouldn't but..." he sighs.

"Our lesson today should help. The planet will banish unwanted thoughts from your mind." Maul falls silent, turning back to the controls.

Ezra sighs, getting up and going to the back of the ship. He rolls up his pant leg, doing a quick tuneup of his prosthetic before they landed.

* * *

Mustafar looms in the distance.

The Force feels so cold here, colder than Ezra's ever felt. He pulls his cloak closer to him, though he can't shake the feelings of anger, of sadness, of betrayal- _you were the chosen one!_ \- he faintly hears.

Maul begins the landing sequence, bringing Ezra out of his thoughts. "Can you feel it, Ezra?" he whispers. "The anger...the hate...the suffering."

Ezra nods. His very soul feels cold, and it only gets worse the closer they get to the planet.

* * *

Ezra.

Kanan can feel Ezra for the first time in years.

He sits up suddenly, waking Hera up in the process. She mumbles something that sounds like a question as Kanan throws on his clothes.

"I had a vision. Of Ezra." he explains. "He's in trouble."

Hera sits up at that, rubbing her eyes. "Where is he? Do you know?"

"Somewhere unpleasant. A Sith planet, I think." Kanan sits down on the bed to tug his boots on. "I have to look for him."

Hera nods, yawning loudly. "I'll tell Commander Sato." She stretches, wrapping her arms around Kanan. "Bring him home...please." she whispers.

* * *

Kanan deflects Sabine and Zeb's questions, not wanting to get their hopes up. He powers up the Phantom, sitting down in the pilot's chair; he closes his eyes, searching for Ezra's Force signature.

Mustafar.

Kanan's eyes snap open. He sets a course in the ship's computer, praying, for the first time, that his vision was wrong. Ezra won't survive Mustafar; even if he does, he won't be the same person.

Kanan sends feelings of reassurance through his bond with Ezra as he plots the jump to hyperspace. "Hang on, Ezra...I'll be there soon." he mutters.

* * *

Kanan emerges from hyperspace hours later, sucking in a breath at the sight of the planet. He can feel Ezra now, under everything else. Distant cries invade his mind- _i have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new empire_ and  _you were my brother! i loved you!_ Kanan shudders. "The sooner I get out of here, the better." he says to himself.

Kanan lands the Phantom, unhooking his lightsaber before exiting the ship. He follows Ezra's Force signature, desperately searching for him.

There.

Ezra is sitting atop a cliff, eyes closed. He appears to be meditating. A cloaked figure paces near him. Maul. Of course he's here.

"Ezra!" Kanan shouts.

Ezra stands, turning to face Kanan. He's dressed in black, with a new lightsaber on his belt. His hair is so much longer, and his eyes-his brilliant, sapphire eyes-are a horrible yellow.

Kanan's breath catches in his throat.

"Ah, Master Jarrus." Maul's smooth voice comes from behind Kanan. "I was beginning to wonder if you would be joining us." He grins as he walks in front of Kanan, stopping at Ezra's side.

"You shouldn't be here, Kanan." Ezra says quietly, and Kanan almost weeps at the sound of his voice.

"My apprentice is right. You should not have come here." Maul's hand is on Ezra's waist, and Kanan would rather not think about what that means.

Kanan ignites his lightsaber, pointing the blade at Maul. "He's not your apprentice." he growls.

Maul only chuckles. "Ezra, remember your training." is all he says, stepping to the side.

Ezra node, igniting his own-harsh, sickly red-blade. "I don't need you anymore." he spits, lunging at Kanan.

The words sting, as Kanan parries Ezra's strike. "I don't want to hurt you!" he yells over the sounds of their blades clashing. "I just want you to come home! We all do...Sabine, Zeb, Chopper, Hera...we just want you back!"

"No!" Ezra shouts; his voice is broken and tortured. He knocks Kanan's lightsaber out of his hand with a yell.

Kanan feels pressure on his throat, clawing at his neck as he tries to take a breath.

Ezra smirks, tightening his grip. Behind him, Maul smiles.

"Good, Ezra, very good. Now...strike him down."

Ezra falter, his grip becoming lighter.

"Ezra...strike him down!" Maul shouts, taking his own saber in his hand.

"Ezra..." Kanan chokes out. "Please...just come home."

Ezra's eyes go wide, and he releases Kanan. "Leave this place, Kanan." he says quietly. "I'm not going with you."

Kanan coughs, taking a deep breath. He stands after a moment, staring at Ezra's retreating back. "I won't leave you!" he calls. "Not again."

Ezra's steps falter, but he doesn't turn around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT; posted the wrong chapter by mistake! Here's the correct one.  
> this is a fun one to make up for all this depressing conflict.

Kanan spends the trip back to Chopper Base meditating.

He doesn't know what to tell the others.

Hera will be upset, he knows that for sure. Sabine and Zeb will most likely likely try to rescue Ezra all by themselves. Kanan chuckles at the thought. Zeb would probably just pick Ezra up and throw him onto the Phantom.

Kanan lands without much hassle, finding Hera eagerly waiting for him onboard the Ghost. Her face falls when she sees that he's alone.

"I'm sorry, Hera..." Kanan sighs as he sinks into a chair beside her. "I couldn't bring him back."

"I have no doubt you did your best, love." Hera says softly. "One way or another, he's coming back to us."

"All right, what's going on?" Sabine demands, closely followed by Zeb as she walks into the lounge.

"Yeah, Kanan. Where were you?" Zeb crosses his arms, awaiting an answer.

Kanan sighs. "I didn't want to say anything and get your hopes up. But...I found Ezra."

"What?!" Sabine yells.

"What do you mean, you found Ezra?" Zeb demands.

"Don't yell indoors." Hera reminds Sabine, giving her a rather motherly look.

"He's with Maul. I had a vision that led me to Mustafar...he was there." Kanan rubs his eyes, pulling the tie from his hair. "I couldn't bring him home."

"Is he okay?" Sabine and Zeb ask in unison.

"I...I don't think so." Kanan runs his hand though his hair. "I barely recognized him. And he tried to kill me."

"He what?" Sabine yells, earning another glare from Hera. "Ezra wouldn't do that." She shakes her head. "I know him."

"Well, we're going to bring him home. I won't let that cockroach hurt Ezra anymore." Hera growls.

"Hera, uh...well, if Kanan couldn't get through to him, what makes you think the rest of us can?" Zeb asks.

"Zeb's got a point. He tried to kill me, he won't go easy on any of us." Kanan leans back in his chair, closing his eyes.

"I might be able to get through to him. Ezra and I were...close. He trusted me." Sabine mutters.

"And what do you mean by that, Sabine?" Hera raises an eyebrow.

"No it's not like that!" Sabine protests. "Ezra's gay, anyway. He told me himself."

"He's what?" Kanan asks after a brief period of silence.

"That's what I'm trying to get at! Ezra trusted me enough to tell me stuff like that. I could have a chance." Sabine crosses her arms.

"We'll form a plan later. I need to sleep." Kanan grumbles, getting up and retreating to his-and Hera's-room.

Hera waits until Kanan's out of earshot, then leans closer to Sabine. "Was he seeing anyone?" she asks, trying and failing to hide her grin.

* * *

Kanan wakes after the sun has set, making himself a cup of caf before going to his usual spot to meditate. He passes Rex, sitting by himself in a corner.

"Hey, Kanan." Rex mutters, staring off into the distance.

Ever since Kanan had come back from Malachor, Rex had all but disappeared. He only made himself known when he was needed, and Kanan could feel his grief across the base.

"Hey, Rex. What's up?" Kanan sits down next to Rex, setting his cup on the ground.

"Nothing much. Just thinking." Rex shrugged.

"About Ahsoka." Kanan finishes the statement for him.

Rex sighs. "I don't blame you for what happened. I just...miss her. Y'know?"

"Yeah...so do I." Kanan takes a sip of caf. "I found Ezra."

"You what?" Rex sits up, his eyes going wide.

"I had a vision. But he wouldn't come home with me." Kanan grips his cup tightly; he's suddenly filled with rage. He wants to hurt Maul, kill him even.

"That's...well, at least he's alive." Rex allows something resembling a smile to grace his features. "If it were up to me, I'd knock him out and drag him home."

Kanan chuckles dryly, taking another sip of caf. "I might have to do just that." he mutters.

"I hope you bring him back safe. I miss that kid." Rex pats Kanan's shoulder, standing up with a groan. "Good talk, Kanan. We should do this more."

"Yeah, we should." Kanan watches Rex leave, smiling to himself. He sets his cup down, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. It only takes him a few minutes to achieve a meditative state.

Pain.

Kana can hear Ezra screaming, pleading with someone to stop-Maul, most likely. He's in pain.

The screams stop suddenly, though the pain lingers. Kanan sends reassurance through their bond, trying to soothe Ezra.

The pain begins to fade, leaving behind a dull ache. Kanan is overwhelmed with anger, and he can't tell if it's his own or Ezra's.

Kanan feels a presence approaching, and opens his eyes to see Hera sitting down next to him.

"I was wondering where you went." She smiles, picking up Kanan's now cold cup of caf and sipping it.

"Ezra's in pain. I felt it." Kanan says quietly. He wraps an arm around Hera, pulling her close and kissing her forehead. "Maul's hurting him and I can't do anything about it."

"We're going to get him back, love." Hera leans into Kanan's embrace. "That bantha kriffer isn't going to hurt our son any more."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple chapters are shorter since they're a bridge to plot stuff. We're getting close to some main conflict and plot stuff though.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for abuse.  
> no one's having fun  
> except maul  
> fuck maul

"I'm disappointed in you, Ezra."

Maul paces in a circle around Ezra, not looking at him.

Ezra doesn't respond; he knows better than that. He keeps his head down as he takes off his tunic and cloak, kneeling before Maul.

"I'm sorry, Master. I failed you." he says quietly. He's used to this by now, and he braces himself for the punishment that is sure to follow.

"You will do better next time." It's not a request. Maul focuses his gaze on Ezra.

Ezra flinches as the first cut opens up on his back. He breathes, willing himself to push through the pain.

Ezra forces himself to open his mouth, ignoring the trickle of blood running down his back. "One." he says through gritted teeth.

"Good." Maul waits a beat before another cut opens.

"Two."

* * *

"Nineteen." Ezra chokes out, struggling not to topple over. He can feel the blood beginning to dry on his back.

"You did well, my apprentice." Maul offers his hand, helping Ezra up off the floor.

"Th-Thank you, Master." Ezra's organic leg gives out, but Maul steadies him with a hand on his waist.

"Come, let's get you cleaned up." Maul leads Ezra to his cabin, letting him collapse onto the bed.

Maul cleans the blood from Ezra's wounds first, before applying several bacta patches. "Rest, Ezra...we will speak about your failure later." he whispers, his hands lingering on Ezra's skin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that probably isn't how the force works  
> 50 points to your hogwarts house if you know why there's 19


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting my favorite chapter on May the 4th! Who would have guessed?

The atmosphere of the Ghost is lighter than it's been in a long time. News of Ezra's discovery has put everyone in good spirits. Sabine offers to cook, and though she promises to go easy on the spices this time, memories of the fight over the water jug resurface, and she is-politely-turned down.

Kanan even finds himself whistling as he washes dishes with Hera.

"We'll be a whole family again soon." he remarks with a smile. drying a dish and setting it on the rack. He leans in and kisses Hera, remembering her warning that if he gets soapy water on her, he's sleeping on the couch.

"Gross." Sabine makes a face as she wedges her way between the pair to retrieve her favorite mug. "Save room for the Force, okay?" she remarks with a sly grin.

Kanan shakes his head, though he chuckles quietly to himself. "You just remember we can ground you any time." he says to Sabine's retreating back.

"Pretty sure she flipped me off." he mutters as he resumes drying dishes.

"She gets that from you, love. You know that." Hera grins, kissing Kanan's cheek before flicking water at him.

* * *

Kanan calls a meeting-which Sabine and Zeb lovingly dub Find the Blueberry-to discuss a plan for bringing Ezra home.

"We don't have a lot of options here." Kanan sighs. "Our best plan right now is sending Sabine in to talk to Ezra."

"And if that doesn't work?" Commander Sato queries.

"She knocks him out and throws him on the Phantom."

Everyone in the room collectively sighs.

"Look, we all want to bring the kid home. So if anyone here has a better idea, speak up." Rex snaps.

"Send Commander Wren in as a distraction." A blond woman in a flight suit pushes her way to the front. "Marla Evae. I'm with Gold Squadron."

"That could work." Rex muses.

"You're right, Marla. That's...genius, really. How did none of us think of that?" Kanan shakes Marla's hand, laying a hand on her shoulder. "So Sabine goes in as a distraction. I'll take care of Maul while they're talking."

"Sounds good to me." Sabine smiles at Marla.

"Backup plan's still the same. Knock him out, throw him in the ship." Kanan nods, running his hand through his hair. "Sabine, let's go discuss details."

Sabine gives Marla a wink, following Kanan to the Ghost. "I hope she sticks around." she says with a grin.

"She's smart. It's good she's with the rebellion." Kanan remarks as he sits down on the couch.

"You and I see very different things in her." Sabine says as she sits down beside him. "Tell me the plan."

"I'll use the Force to track Ezra. You keep him busy while I take care of Maul. But remember-you're not just distracting him. You're convincing him to come back." Kanan stresses.

"Got it. And if he won't listen?" Sabine asks.

"Then I'll try again. And we both know the backup plan."

Sabine nods. "Let's do this."

* * *

Kanan and Sabine take two rotations to prepare before taking the Phantom off Atollon. Kanan searches for Ezra, finding him not far from where he expected him to be. He relays the coordinates to Sabine, then settles in for a long few hours of hyperspace.

Sabine lets Chopper pilot, loading her guns and doing a kata with the darksaber before settling into a jittery silence next to Kanan.

"I won't hurt him if I don't have to." she whispers. "I just want him back."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Marla is actually the mother of one of my ocs, Larren!


	6. Chapter 5

The landing goes smoothly, and Kanan leads Sabine to Ezra's Force signature. "Be careful." he warns, pulling her into a crushing hug before watching her set off.

He readies himself, clipping his lightsaber to his belt. "I'm one with the Force," he lets out a breath, "and the Force is with me." he whispers to himself.

Kanan let the Force guide him, searching for Maul. He almost doesn't want to find him.

* * *

"Ezra?"

Sabine removes her helmet, taking a few cautious steps toward the cloaked figure before her. She prays that hasn't somehow stumbled upon Maul.

"Ezra, is that you?" she says quietly.

The figure straightens up, turning to face her.

"Bean?"

Ezra's eyes are wide, and Sabine swears she sees a hint of blue in them.

"You changed your hair." he almost whispers.

Sabine can only nod, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over. "I missed you." She takes another step, taking Ezra's hand in hers.

"You want me to come back, don't you?" Sabine gets a good look at Ezra's face, gently touching his cheek with her free hand; she tries not to be hurt at the way he flinches away.

"I do. We all do." Sabine's tears are flowing freely, and it's all she can do to keep talking. "Please, Ezra."

Ezra opens his mouth to respond, but a gloved hand lands on his shoulder, cutting him off.

"My apprentice..." Maul says in his horribly smooth voice. He pulls Ezra closer to him, one arm encircling his waist. "Your former master has failed for the last time."

Ezra's eyes widen, and he pulls away from Maul, his lightsaber flying into his hand. "Bean, run! He'll hurt you too." he shouts. "What did you to him?" he demands.

Maul chuckles. "Why don't you come see for yourself?"

"Sabine, get out of here! I'm serious."

Ezra's tone frightens Sabine; after a moment of hesitation, she runs back to the ship.

Ezra runs back to his and Maul's ship; Maul follows with a pleased expression.

* * *

Kanan lies, bruised and bloody, on the floor of the ship. His hands are bound, and his ponytail has fallen out. He coughs weakly, doing his best to sit up. "Ezra..." he croaks out.

"Kanan!" Ezra falls to his knees, unsure of what to do. "Karabast, what did he do to you?"

"Ezra." Maul snaps. "Get away from him." When Ezra doesn't move, Maul roughly hoists him to his feet; but his words die in his throat when he turns him around.

Ezra's eyes are blue.

The shock of Maul hitting him doesn't even register until Ezra's on the floor, with a stinging mark on his cheek.

"Clearly you still have training to complete!" Maul spits, grabbing Ezra's arm and dragging him back to his cabine, ignoring Ezra's screams and protests; he reaches out for Kanan but Kanan is too weak to do anything.

Ezra's screams only grow louder when the door slams shut.

* * *

Maul emerges sometime later, without Ezra.

"What did you do to him? You'll pay for that!" Kanan tries to struggle against his bonds, but is too weak to do much.

"He needed reminding who his true master is." Maul hisses, crouching to be eye level with Kanan.

"Yeah. It's me." Kanan growls.

Maul narrows his eyes. "We shall see...yes, we shall see." he whispers. "We shall see who he truly wants a master. A Sith, trained in the dark arts..or a relic of the past, never even knighted." Maul smiles, straightening up. "My apprentice will decide...or should I say my son?"

Kanan growls, lunging at Maul. "Don't even call him that!" he shouts, loud enough for Ezra to hear.

"Listen to me, you overgrown cockraoch!" he yells. "Ezra is not your apprentice. He's not your son. If anything, he's mine. And you will never put your hands on him again!" he shouts, baring his teeth.

Maul stops in his tracks, turning back to Kanan. "Is that so?" he says with a grin, igniting his lightsaber.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone mentions sabezra i'll scream


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for torture and abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa we're halfway there

Ezra huddles in the corner of Maul's cabin, unable to stop shaking. He hasn't been punished like that in a long time. Eventually he gets up, pulling his cloak back on and leaving the cabin.

Maul is waiting for him in the common room, Kanan-with many new injuries- is lying beside him.

"Ezra...come, sit down." Maul beckons Ezra closer, grinning widely. "Not so awe-inspiring now, is he?" he asks, nudging Kanan with his toe. Kanan only groans weakly.

Ezra swallows his anger, sitting down next to Maul. He can't bear to look at Kanan-bleeding, with a Force-suppressing collar around his neck.

"We will be doing an...exercise today." Maul says, looking down at Kanan. "You must sever your connection to the Light, Ezra." he says quietly.

Ezra's eyes go wide, and he opens his mouth to protest.

"Oh, no, he won't die today." Maul chuckles, laying his hand on Ezra's shoulder. "This will be a gradual process."

* * *

Maul drags Kanan to one of their empty rooms, tying his wrists to a beam and forcing him to kneel. He calls Ezra in, standing behind him with his hands on Ezra's shoulders. "Jedi feel pain more strongly than others." he whispers. "I want you to hurt him."

"No." Ezra answers immediately, shaking his head. "I won't do it."

"You will." Maul hisses, taking his lightsaber in his hand. "Do it."

Ezra hesitates, then lifts his hand. He stares into Kanan's eyes, trying to convey that he is sorry.

Kanan convulses gritting his teeth. He groans, then sags forward as the pain suddenly stops.

"I can't. I can't do it." Ezra protests. "I won't."

Maul ignites his lightsaber, holding the blade to Ezra's organic leg. "You will do as I say!" he shouts.

Ezra stays still.

"Yes, Master." he says after a minute of agonizing silence, raising his hand again.

* * *

When it's finally over, Kanan's bonds are the only thing holding him up. He's pale, panting harshly and sweating.

The pain in Ezra's eyes almost matches what Kanan was feeling a few moments ago.

"Very good, Ezra." Maul whispers. "This may not take as long at all." He smiles, gently stroking Ezra's hair.

"Look at him." Maul forces Ezra's chin up, making him look at Kanan's broken form. "Look at what you've done to him." he says softly.

A sob escapes Ezra, as he looks at Kanan. He can't even tell him how sorry he is; Maul will surely punish him.

"Ezra..." Kanan croaks, looking Ezra in the eye. He manages a smile, though it brings fresh blood out of his split lip. "Don't cry...please, Ezra. Don't cry."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prayer circle for kanan everyone  
> also, this fic's official playlist (made by yours truly) can be found here!  
> https://playmoss.com/en/spectre07/playlist/how-the-mighty-fall


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some mild happiness cause we all need a break

Ezra pulls away from Maul, walking to his cabin as fast as he can. He locks the door, sniffling and wiping his face on his sleeve. He sinks down onto the bed, sobbing quietly.

He hurt his mentor, his teacher, his father. Surely Kanan won't forgive him for this. Even if he does, the rest of the crew won't.

Why is he thinking of the crew now? He left them behind a long time ago.

"Kriff." Ezra mutters. "I can't think like that anymore."

Ezra takes a deep breath, straightening his back and closing his eyes; it takes him longer than usual to reach a meditative state. The first thing he can sense is Kanan's pain. That doesn't surprise him.

Kanan's pain isn't just physical, Ezra discovers as he sinks deeper. Kanan is hurt by seeing just how far Ezra's fallen.

He's crying.

All he wants is for Ezra to come home.

Ezra can't take it anymore; he resurfaces. He stays still for a minute, contemplating his next course of action. Eventually he gets up, searching for Maul's presence before he goes any further. He's not on the ship, but somewhere on the planet. Ezra will have to move quickly.

Ezra unlocks the door, heading into the lounge and grabbing the medkit before he can allow himself to hesitate. His hand hovers over the door control, fingers shaking as he presses the button and walks inside.

Kanan doesn't look any better, but he doesn't look worse. That's good, right?

"Hey, Kanan." Ezra says quietly, taking a few steps forward. "How're you feeling?"

"Is that a trick question?" Kanan chuckles, raising his head as far as he can.

Ezra finds himself smiling as he set the medkit on the floor, undoing Kanan's binders. It's so easy to fall back into their old banter.

"I'm sorry, Kanan." is all Ezra can say. He helps Kanan sit back against the wall, pulling his sweater off to get a look at his wounds.

Kanan hisses quietly, gritting his teeth. "You look so different..." he says after a moment.

Ezra stays silent, focusing on applying bacta to Kanan's wounds.

"Ezra, look at me." Kanan says. His tone is serious-the same one he used during Jedi training.

Ezra finishes bandaging Kanan's wounds, glaring at him. "Fine. I'm looking at you. Happy?" he spits.

Kanan doesn't anything, gently caressing Ezra's cheek. He runs his thumb over the old scars on his cheek, smiling faintly. "Look at you..." he whispers. "You're all grown up."

Kanan gathers the last of his strength, pulling Ezra into a crushing hug. "I made a promise to bring you back." he says as he runs one hand through Ezra's hair. "And something tells me you want to come home."

"I do." Ezra's walls come crumbling down, and he lets himself feel again. "I want to go home, Kanan." he sobs, burying his face in Kanan's shoulder. All the thoughts, all the feelings come rushing back so fast it makes Ezra's heart ache. "I can't apologize enough for what I've done." he chokes out.

"Don't apologize." Kanan says quietly. "I forgive you...and so does everyone else." He hugs Ezra tighter, planting a soft kiss to the top of his head.

"Let's go home, okay? Everyone's waiting."

Ezra nods, genuinely smiling for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone interprets this as romantic i'll call the police


	9. Chapter 8

Ezra leaves before Maul returns, putting Kanan's wrists back in binders. He goes back to his cabin, going over the details of their plan in his head. It'll be tricky, but they can pull it off.

Ezra sneaks into Maul's cabin, taking the Sith holocron and hiding it under his cloak; with luck, he'll be out before Maul realizes it's gone. He hears the main hatch open and he extends his hand, unlocking Kanan's binders. He sits on Maul's bed, patiently waiting.

* * *

Kanan feels his binders unlock; he quietly sneaks out of the room when he hears Maul and Ezra's voices. He calls his lightsaber to his hand, relishing the comforting weight in his palm.

As quiet as he can, he follows Ezra's voice, stopping outside Maul's cabin. He listens, and when the voices grow quieter, he punches the door control; he ignites his saber as he stalks toward Maul.

"Get away from him." Kanan growls.

* * *

Maul moves away from Ezra, a horrible grin adorning his face. He ignites his own saber.

"I see you've escaped your bonds, Master Jarrus."

"For once, you're right about something." Kanan raises his lightsaber, ignoring the ache in his limbs. "Get away from him. I won't say it again."

Kanan sees Ezra ignite his own saber, and he grins. "You're outnumbered." he says as Ezra joins him at his side.

"Ezra? You..." Maul gasps, his eyes narrowing. "I see. I see now. Jarrus has clouded your thoughts yet again." He points his blade at Kanan. "There is only one solution to this trickery."

"Funny. I'm thinking the same thing." Kanan lunges at Maul, being easily knocked back. Ezra takes the opportunity to strike.

"This sure feels familiar, huh?" Kanan laughs.

"Not the time, Kanan!" Ezra parries a strike, pushing Maul back.

Kanan and Ezra quickly fall back in sync, fighting together as if no time had passed.

"You've certainly gotten better." Kanan says as he parries a strike.

"What do you think I've been doing the past three years?" Ezra pushes back, forcing him into a corner. He knocks Maul's balde out of his hand.

"You're beaten, Maul." Kanan pants; the initial adrenaline is beginning to wear off. He lays his hand on Ezra's shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

"No, Kanan. He hurt you. He hurt both of us." Ezra takes a step forward, raising his saber to Maul's throat. "He has to pay for what he did. To you. To me."

"Ezra, we're getting out of here. Just leave him." Kanan's grip on Ezra's shoulder tightens. "Please, Ezra. Let's just go home."

Ezra only hesitates for a moment before driving his blade into Maul's stomach.

Kanan gasps, his eyes going wide.

Maul coughs, blood staining his lips as he sinks to the ground. "You were...a worthy apprentice." he breathes before going still.

"You shouldn't have done that. It's not the Jedi way." Kanan says quietly.

"I'm not a Jedi anymore." Ezra deactivates his saber, turning and walking towards the cockpit. "Let's get out of here."

* * *

Kanan tells Ezra the coordinates of Chopper Base, then settles in for the rest of the journey.

"Ezra." Silence. "Ezra, talk to me."

"About what?" Ezra snaps, turning away from the controls. "About how I'm a Sith? About how I killed Maul? About what he did to me? Is that what you want to talk about, Kanan?" He sniffles, swiping at the tears forming in his eyes.

Kanan doesn't say anything, pulling Ezra close and wrapping his arms around him. "It'll help to talk about what happened." he murmurs. He listens to Ezra's sobs, resting one hand on the back of his head.

"I-I can't talk about it. Not now." Ezra sobs. "Please...don't make me."

"I won't. It's going to be okay." Kanan says quietly.

"How can you say that, Kanan? Look at me. Look at what I've become. I'm a Sith, just like Maul. Like Vader." Ezra wipes his eyes, pulling away from Kanan.

"Ezra..." Kanan sighs, keeping his hand on Ezra's shoulder. "You should get some rest. You look exhausted. I'll wake you up when we get to Atollon, okay?" He manages something akin to a smile.

"Yeah...you're probably right." Ezra sniffles. "I bet everyone'll be so happy to see me." he says with a dry chuckle.

"They will. I promise."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will i ever stop ending my chapters on cliffhangers? stay tuned to find out


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one! My computer's been having issues, but they should be resolved soon.

Sabine is waiting for them when the Phantom lands; she is quickly joined by Hera.

Ezra hesitates by the door, fidgeting. "What if-" he starts to say, but Kanan cuts him off.

"I don't want to hear ifs, or maybes, okay? Everything will be fine." Kanan keeps one and on Ezra's shoulder as the doors open and they walk out together.

It only takes a moment for Sabine to run over to them, punching Ezra in the shoulder with a shout of, "You scared me to death!" before pulling him into a tight hug.

"Okay, okay-Sabine! You're crushing me!" Ezra laughs, genuinely. When Sabine finally lets him go, he nervously approaches Hera. "Um...hi." he stammers.

Hera doesn't say anything, gently taking Ezra's face in her hands. She stays quiet for a few more moments before practically whispering, "You grew up."

Ezra bursts into tears.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." he gasps. "I did a horrible thing, I'm so sorry, Hera."

"Don't you dare apologize, Ezra Bridger." Hera almost snaps, holding back tears of her own. "You are safe, and you're home. That's all that matters." She pulls Ezra into her arms, determined to never let go of him again.

Before Ezra can respond, Chopper comes barreling around the corner, warbling as he slams into Ezra at full speed.

"Kriff, Chopper! What's wrong with you?" Ezra shouts, pulling away from Hera. Chopper wraps his arms tight around Ezra's legs, warbling quietly.

"He...he says he missed me. And he's glad I'm back." Ezra says incredulously. He kneels down, one hand on Chopper's dome, wrapping an arm around the droid. "I missed you too, Chop."

* * *

After a few more hugs and many more tears, Hera escorts Ezra inside the Ghost. Ezra nearly cries again at the familiarity of it all.

"Hey, is Kanan back y-" Zeb stops short, dropping the datapad he's holding.

"Kid?"

"Hey, Zeb." Ezra says shyly. "Um...I'm back." he chuckles nervously.

Zeb doesn't say anything; he walks over and pulls Ezra into his arms, lifting him off the ground.

"Don't scare me like that again, kid." he says, holding back tears.

"I won't. I promise." Ezra says quietly.

"Ezra, why don't you go get cleaned up? If Zeb ever puts you down, that is." Hera laughs.

"Oh! Sorry, kid." Zeb sets Ezra down, looking sheepish. "There's some spare clothes in the laundry room.

"Yeah...Hey, what did you do with my bunk?" Ezra asks.

"Oh, that's where Kallus sleeps."

"Kallus? The Imperial agent?" Ezra raises an eyebrow.

"A very long story short, he defected. He's one of us now." Kanan interjects. "Zeb'll tell you the whole thing sometime."

"I definitely look forward to hearing that one." Ezra says before heading to the laundry room.

* * *

Dinner is a joyous affair, Ezra a bit hesitant to go back to his old ways but still enjoying himself. He and Sabine clean up after, eager for a chance to catch up by themselves.

"Hey...can I ask you for a favor?" Ezra asks during a lull in the conversation.

"Well...you know how you're always dyeing you hair?"

* * *

After spending time with Sabine, Ezra practically passes out on Kanan's extra bunk. He's exhausted, even after sleeping in hyperspace. Kanan lets him sleep in, knowing he needs it.

Ezra's not sure what to expect when he wakes up the next morning. He cleans up in the refresher, dressing and going out into the lounge.

"Hey, Ezra." Hera greets him, not looking up from her datatpad at first. When she does, she gasps. "Ezra...your hair!"

"Huh? Oh, yeah." Ezra grins, running his hand over his new, incredibly short haircut."

"Why did-Sabine!" Hera glares at Sabine, who is doing her best to look innocent.

"I needed a change, okay? New me and all that." Ezra shrugs, sitting down next to Hera.

"Well...it really does suit you." Hera smiles.

Kanan chooses that moment to walk into the room, stopping mid-sentence. "Wha-Ezra?"

"I was going to give you a padawan braid!"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're nearing the end! god i cried so much writing this chapter


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the final countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the late chapter! my computer issues have been resolved and there shouldn't be any more delayed postings.

Ezra only takes a few rotations to settle back in, and outwardly, he seems to have gone back to his old ways. For some, it was like he never left.

Kanan, however, sees right through this front.

He watches Ezra closely, waiting for an opportunity to talk to him; really talk to him, not just the playful banter Ezra resorts to in seemingly every conversation.

He pulls Ezra aside after training one day; the sun is starting to set.

"Cmon. Walk with me." he says, laying a hand on Ezra's shoulder so he can't slip away. "Beautiful sunset, huh?"

"I guess." Ezra shrugs. "What do you really want to talk about?"

Kanan sighs, stopping. "What's wrong? And don't say nothing. I can tell something's wrong."

Ezra makes a face, kicking at some loose dirt.

"Ezra, come on."

"I don't know what to tell you, okay? I...I don't really know what's wrong." Ezra shrugs again. "I just feel...uneasy. I guess."

"Makes sense. I mean, you were with Maul," Ezra tenses at the name, "for three years. I can't imagine what adjusting after that is like."

"But I should be happy, Kanan! I'm home. I'm away from him." Ezra kicks a stone, much harder this time. "He cut off my kriffing leg, Kanan!"

"I didn't say you couldn't be angry." Kanan reaches out, surprised when Ezra swats his hand away.

"I don't want to talk anymore." he says before storming off.

"Ezra...Ezra!" Kanan gets no answer, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. Something tells him Ezra isn't coming back any time soon.

* * *

"So...you and Zeb, huh?"

"Yes, me and Garazeb." Kallus sighs. "I thought he told you what happened."

"Yeah, he did, but...I don't know. It's just a little hard for me to believe." Ezra shrugs.

"Most people would agree with you. An ex-Imperial and a Lasat? A far-fetched idea to many." Kallus chuckles, shaking his head.

"I'd love to hear you wax poetic about you boyfriend, believe me, but I've got stuff to do." Ezra stands, waving goodbye. "See you, Kal."

"That's not...never mind. Goodbye, Ezra." Kallus says with a sigh.

Ezra doesn't talk to anyone else on his way back to the Ghost. His mind is too occupied; with what Kanan said, his own outburst, Maul.

Before he knows it, he's back in Kanan's cabin, anger threatening to overwhelm him. He slams his fist down onto the side of the bunk, barely suppressing a shout.

Ezra forces himself to take a breath, trying to clear his mind.

He can't stay here any longer; not with everything he's feeling.

Ezra can hear his family's voice, and with a smile, he begins to pack a bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love garazeb and kal


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, folks! This has been a truly wild ride, and thank you all for being there with me!

"Where's Ezra?"

"Don't know. I haven't seen him since our talk yesterday." Kanan shrugs, taking a sip of caf.

"Kanan!"

Sabine's shout startles Kanan, and he almost spills caf on himself. "What? What is it?"

"Ezra's stuff is gone." She shoves a piece of paper at Kanan. "I found this on his bunk."

Kanan frowns, unfolding the paper.

* * *

Kanan,

Or Hera. Whoever's reading this.

Please don't be worried about me.

I need some time away. Things are just too complicated for me to stay right now.

Don't come looking for me. I don't know when I'll be back, but I promise I will come back.

No matter what.

                            -Ezra

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a sequel, do not despair. I don't know when it'll be out since I'm currently working on another project, but keep an eye out!


End file.
